Suicide & the LGBTQ+ Community
Did you know that according to the CDC, LGB youth seriously contemplate suicide at almost three times the rate of heterosexual youth? Or did you know that in a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt, and that 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25? So why are the rates for the LGBTQ+ Community so much higher than the average population?
The average youth already struggles with enough in life:
Family stress at home
Pressure to do well in school to get into college
Self-esteem issues related to trying to fit
Self-esteem issues related to their body and appearance
Trying to figure out how who they are and what they like
And more
That being said, LGBTQ+ youth have to deal with all the aforementioned things, as well as the following:
If they have not come out yet:
The constant stress and paranoia of hiding in the closet
The guilt, shame, and/or disgust of being LGBTQ+ if they don’t want to be
Having to hinder how they express themselves to appear “straight” to family, friends, and peers
Fear of losing their friends
If they have come out already:
Being bullied by un-accepting peers
Wondering if their parents will kick them out
Wondering if their church is going to publicly shame them and/or kick them off of leadership teams
Wondering how many more times they’ll have to come out in their lifetime
And more
Schools, teachers, families, churches, and others always wonder what they could have done to prevent a suicide once it happens, but rarely do they consider how to prevent a suicide before it happens. Well, when it comes to the LGBTQ+ Community, there are several things to consider:
A person’s pronouns
Not using a person’s pronouns—such as he/they, they/them, she/they, etc.—shows that you do not respect their autonomy to be seen as who they want to be seen, and it makes them feel very unaccepted. Using someone’s correct pronouns is an act of suicide prevention.
A person’s real name
When someone changes their name—i.e. when a person is transitioning from one gender to another, or even if someone is not transitioning and simply wants to be referred by another name—and you call them by their old name, this is called “dead-naming”, and it’s very disrespectful. Using someone’s correct name is also an act of suicide prevention.
How you phrase your acceptance of them
If someone comes out to you and your response is anything along the lines of, “I love you, but I don’t accept your lifestyle,” not only are you dismissing their sexual orientation, but you are also not doing a very good job at making that person feel that you love them. If someone told you, “I can’t accept you because you’re straight”, would you feel loved by them? Furthermore, by saying that, you are implying that one’s sexual orientation is a choice, as when someone chooses to become a doctor, teacher, etc. Did you choose to be straight, or is that something you had to figure out from socialization with others? Acceptance is an act of suicide prevention.
Expressing forms of disbelief
Phrases such as, “It’s just a phase,” “You’re not really gay,” “You’re too young to know what you want,” “Pick a side”, “You’ll always be a man/woman”, or by simply denying that someone came out to you, are all things that invalidate and dismiss someones sexual orientation, and further makes them feel isolated. When someone comes out to you, they have probably been thinking about this for a long time—perhaps even years or their entire life—and when they are met with denial from their loved ones, this can be especially hurtful. Believing someone when they come out to you is an act of suicide prevention.
Being an ally
Accepting and believing one’s sexual orientation isn’t enough—if you truly love that individual, then you will demonstrate that by being at their side and advocating for their rights. For example, if you tell your gay son that you accept them, but then vote for someone who is trying to get rid of their rights, then you are not acting as an ally, and this will make the person question whether or not you really accept them. Another example is that if you use gay slurs or microaggressions—such as f*g or saying “no homo” or “that’s so gay”—or you hear others saying those things and you don’t correct them, then you are not being an ally. Being an ally means standing up for the LGBTQ+ Community. Being an ally is an act of suicide prevention.
This is not an exhaustive list, as there are many things that you can do/avoid in order to show your care, love, and support for the LGBTQ+ Community, but these are some of the most common things. However, when it really comes down to it, ask yourself the following questions: Are my actions loving? Do my words show support? If the answer is “no”, then please reconsider what you want to say or do, because what you say or do has the power to save lives and prevent an LGBTQ+ person from taking their life.
If you know an LGBTQ+ person who is struggling to accept themselves, or you are an LGBTQ+ person yourself and are thinking about suicide, please check out the following resources that are free and available 24/7:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Text “TALK” to 741-741: Text with a trained counselor from the Crisis Text Line
Trevor Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386, or text “START” to 678-678 (For LGBTQ+ Youth)
Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860
SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline: 1-888-234-SAGE (For older adults)
The LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
FOR LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCIES, CALL 9-1-1
And of course, you can always call me for a non life-threatening emergency to set up an appointment for therapy by calling or texting me directly at (949) 524-9362. Going to therapy with an LGBTQ+ therapist made my Coming Out Journey much easier to begin, and I wouldn’t be here today without it. I know it’s hard to accept yourself in a world with so much judgment and hate, but you will find your people, and you will find a way. It will get easier one day, I promise that. Never give up hope.
